Newcastle v Manchester United
Where St James’ Park, 15.00
What you hope to see Fergie/Keegan mind games ala 1996
What you’re likely to get Fergie struggling to keep a straight face at what’s become of his old foe…
Fact! When angry, Alex Ferguson is a shade of red one below the surface of the Sun.

Wigan v Derby County
Where JJB Stadium, 15.00
What you hope to see Postponement
What you’re likely to get The Premier League record for lowest ever attendance to be shattered. Not that you could really blame anyone involve. We think we’d prefer to watch live squash.
Fact! Paul Jewell is an official Weeble, and will never fall over no matter how hard you push him.

Barnet v MK Dons
Where Underhill Stadium, 15.00
What you hope to see Paul Ince only putting his matchday suit on once he’s out the tunnel.
What you’re likely to get Kevin Gallen defying the fact that he’s been around for 40 years to grab couple for the Dons.
Fact! Paul Ince blinks 274 times a minute.

Chelsea v Tottenham
Where Wembley, 15.00
What you hope to see The players and managers might not like it, and the fans on the day will find it excruciating, but let’s be honest, for the neutral, penalties are mint.
What you’re likely to get We don’t know about the match, but the tubes will be chocker…
Fact! No one outside London cares…

Posted by: Lex