Posted by: Lex

They call him Samir Nasri. Because that's his name...

Here's Arsenal's new attacking starlet, no doubt set to take the Premier League by storm next season. So he'll be off to play in Serie A next summer then...

Posted by: Lex

It's the big one: Hull v Fulham...

Premier League first day fixtures - Saturday, 16 August
Arsenal v West Brom
Aston Villa v Man City
Bolton v Stoke
Chelsea v Portsmouth
Everton v Blackburn
Hull v Fulham
Man Utd v Newcastle
Middlesbrough v Tottenham
Sunderland v Liverpool
West Ham v Wigan

Posted by: Lex

Quite literally...

Posted by: Lex

Posted by: Lex

God bless those chaps at the Sun...

They know what the people want. With Arsenal set to face AC Milan tonight in the second leg of their Champions League last 16 tie, who better to turn to for an in-depth analysis of their Italian opponents? That's right, the co-host of Five's Football Italiano programme. Worry not, it's not Radio One berk Chappers, but Laura Esposto, who just so happens to be drop-dead gorgeous.

He's what she had to say: "I was at the Emirates for the first Arsenal-Milan game and Arsenal were very good technically. That's not so normal for an English team. Arsenal will miss Eduardo. Maybe they will play Manu Adebayor as a striker on his own with Cesc Fabregas and Co filling midfield. We have Alexandre Pato, a young player. He played from the start of the first leg but was just back from a bad ankle injury. He didn't play as well as he could, not like he can play. He scored against Catana recently, so probably Pato will be our big danger."



Something tells me they may seek her expert views next week when Liverpool go to Inter Milan too. And why not...

Posted by: Lex

More on field scraps at Old Trafford, an absent Al Bangura, Alan Pardew's height and Kevin Blackwell in a chopper...

Liverpool v Barnsley
Where Anfield, 15.00
What you hope to see A rollicking good cup tie, with 14th in the Championship Barnsley displaying the ‘spirit of Havant’ and pegging back the mighty Reds.
What you’re likely to get The dullest tie of the round, with a deflected Gerrard strike and an ugly Crouch header settling the game after 20 minutes.
Fact! Steven Gerrard is a freeman of the Borough of Knowsley.

Man Utd v Arsenal
Where Old Trafford, 17.15
What you hope to see Let’s not beat around the bush here, we’d all love to see another good scrap circa 2004. Only with Phillipe Senderos as Martin Keown and Ronaldo as Ruud van Nistelrooy.
What you’re likely to get Garth Crooks bamboozling Arsene Wenger with incomprehensible non-questions before and after the match. How is this man still in a job?
Fact! Pizza will not be served at the after-match buffet.

Charlton v Watford
Where The Valley, 15.00
What you hope to see John-Joe O’Toole to score on his return for Watford and then revealing that he was invented by Enid Blyton to be a character in the Famous Five.
What you’re likely to get Al Bangura not playing any part for Watford. Again.
Fact! Alan Pardew is 5ft 11in.

Sheff Utd v Middlesbrough
Where Bramall Lane, Sunday, 14.00
What you hope to see Kevin Blackwell to arrive at Bramall Lane in a helicopter.
What you’re likely to get A subdued Bramall Lane wondering how replacing one clueless dullard with another is ever going to work.
Fact! In the event of a bear attack, a recording of Bryan Robson’s voice will send it to sleep and render it harmless.

Posted by: Lex

Naked Sven, Ronaldo misery, Lee Trundle's innappropriate showboating and Kevin Keegan. Again...

Manchester City v Arsenal
Where City of Manchester Stadium, 12.45
What you hope to see A Daniel Sturridge hat trick completed in the last minute with an audacious strike to win 3-2. Prompting Sven to rip his shirt off, throw it in the crowd and boom out ‘Blue Moon’ over the PA system.
What you’re likely to get A Daniel Sturridge hat trick completed in the last minute with an audacious strike to win 3-2. Prompting Sven to smile. Just.
Watch out for Joe Hart furiously stamping on any balloon within a three-mile radius of Eastlands.
Fact! Daniel Sturridge is the nephew of former Derby County forward Dean Sturridge.

Tottenham v Man Utd
Where White Hart Lane, 15.00
What you hope to see Ronaldo’s smug grin wiped off his face as he misses two open goals, a penalty and gets sent off. For winking.
What you’re likely to get Two United goals in the first 20 minutes. Both from Ronaldo. One a ridiculous free-kick. And then a smug celebration.
Watch out for Pascal Chimbonda lapping up the Spurs’ fans adulation after his frank assessment of his future at the club.
Fact! The north stand at White Hart Lane holds exactly 10,086 fans.

QPR v Bristol City
Where Loftus Road, 15.00
What you hope to see A rousing clash with top of the table Bristol City hoping to prove the country they’re more than a one season wonder with a manager who always talks about getting his arse out in shop windows.
What you’re likely to get Lee Trundle appeasing his Soccer AM withdrawal symptoms by doing tricks and flicks in the centre circle with Bristol 1-0 up with minutes to go. Then losing the ball before a QPR equaliser...
Watch out for QPR fans waving tenners in the stands singing ‘We’re richer than you’. Then Bristol fans replying with a witty riposte involving the words “Oo” and “Ar”.
Fact! Lee Trundle is engaged to Atomic Kitten’s Liz McClarnon.

Swansea v Oldham
Where Liberty Stadium, 14.00
What you hope to see A full-to-the-brim Liberty Stadium cheering on their top-of-the-table side, with new loan signing Febian Brandy showing exactly why he’s rated so highly at Man Utd.
What you’re likely to get Latics defender Neal ‘no-nonsense’ Trotman to go through Brandy after three minutes.
Watch out for Swansea mascot Cyril the Swan lashing out at fellow humans dressed in fury animal suits.
Fact! Cyril the Swan married Cybil the Swan at the final league game at the Vetch Field in 2005.

Newcastle v Middlesbrough
Where St. James’ Park, Sunday, 13.30
What you hope to see Dreary game postponed after 15 minutes after high winds cause all the ‘comedy’ curly wigs and paper crowns to fly off the heads of those wacky Geordies and cover the pitch. Just to show that the situation on Tyneside can, contrary to current belief, become even more bizarre.
What you’re likely to get A typical fiery Tyne-Tees derby. Also know in the game as dirge.
Watch out for Constant camera cuts to Dennis Wise in the stands, looking slightly confused and bored.
Fact! Kevin Keegan no longer has a black perm.

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Posted by: Lex

Replaced as the official ball to the premier League in 2000, with Nike claiming the ball was 'Rounder', as well as faster and more responsive off the player’s foot. Almost immediately, it made headlines for it's alleged unpredictability and erratic swerve, with 'keepers all over the country complaining that it was making them look silly. Any Excuse...

 

Best remebered for:

Because of the randomness the ball’s flight, there were a few crackers swerving in from all over the pitch. But Dennis Bergkamp's world-class turn and finish against Newcastle owed nothing to luck, and rightly won Goal of the Season...

 

Dennis Bergkamp fantastic goal Arsenal vs. Newcastle 2002

Posted by: Rik

Arsenal has the longest unbroken run in the English top division, having been there since 1919. They were last relegated in season 1912/13 when they finished in 20th position.

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Posted by: Crouchy