A welcome return for the series that gets done only when there's nothing else to do...

Top Cats...

Queen of the South
For reaching their first Scottish Cup final after beating Aberdeen in a 4-3 thriller. They’ll meet either Rangers or St. Johnstone in the final hoping that the Perth First Division team can record another underdog victory setting up the most unlikely of finals.

Ronaldo
Just when we think he can’t get any better, he steps up and excels in a skill which the majority of English players struggle with, the art of the penalty kick. With Man United a goal down against Arsenal, he blasted home not one but two perfect spot-kicks after being made to retake his first. You've just got to love him even though he has been looking considerably greasy recently, even by his standards.

Celtic
For keeping their title aspirations alive after their 2-1 win over Rangers at Celtic Park. It was a hard fought victory, just ask David Weir and Gary Caldwell…

Cardiff
Who look set for a European adventure, should they overcome Pompey in the Wembley showpiece next month, after the FA agreed to relax their rules.

In a Flap...

Arsene Wenger
For his rants about the global anti-Arsenal refereeing conspiracy, a strange misplaced loyalty to brat Emmanuel Eboue and enduring a third trophy-less with his team.

Avram Grant
Who seems to have lost the plot completely this week. Firstly, claiming his team were still in the Premiership hunt after their dismal draw with Wigan, his bizarre taciturn post-match press conference after the Everton game and claiming he was interested in signing Kaka and Messi. Two players whose clubs will be more than willing to sell. Spot on, Avram.

Hicks, Parry and Gillett
For continuing their childlike bickering at Anfield. Perfectly normal behaviour for fifty something millionaire businessmen.       

Ledley King
Who not only faces losing the Spurs’ captaincy permanently,  but could also be on his way out of White Hart Lane after some hints from Juande Ramos this week.

Posted by: Lex

Top Cats…

FAI
They’ve been criticised for taking too long with the appointment, but anyone who hires Steve Staunton as national manager should definitely take a while to think about their next choice. Now with the experienced and knowledgeable Giovanni Trapattoni in charge, maybe Kevin ’86 caps’ Kilbane won’t get to a ludicrous ton.

Aberdeen
It’s easy to ridicule Scottish football. It’s a Mickey Mouse league. See we just did it there. But kudos to the Dons after a fantastic 2-2 draw with Bayern Munich in the UEFA Cup which brought back memories of their former European glories. Though Bayern also drew with Bolton earlier in the season, so they’re clearly dross.

Andy Cole
Slow, unfit and well past it was the verdict when Keano loaned him out to Burnley after only seven appearances on Wearside. After his first hattrick in seven years midweek though, he now has four goals in three games at Turf Moor. Nice one Andy, sorry Andrew.

El-Hadji Diouf
The former spitee is spat at. Earl Hickey would say it was Karma, but whatever it is the much-lambasted Diouf kept his cool against Atletico Madrid and even scored the winner. Fair play. We still don’t like him though.

In a Flap…

Richard Scudamore
The Sun are clearly chuffed to bits with their Scooby Doo mock-up of the Premier League Chief Executive, as they’ve had it in the paper nearly every day this week. But there’s no arguing with their sentiments after most of the football confederations around the world, and even Sepp Blatter, claimed the idea for ‘game 39’ would not be welcomed.

Bryan Robson
The saddest thing about Bryan Robson being sacked again is that we just know he’ll get another job somewhere else on big money, only to be sacked again. Do people never learn? Sheffield United appointed Kevin Blackwell in his place. So no then.
Steve McClaren
"My next job will be about the person employing me as much as anything - he has to have vision and be ambitious. It might be abroad, in the second division or in the Championship."
Babelfish translator: “Will anyone have me? Please…”

Ronaldo
Despite his vein attempts to get noticed again by sporting a haircut more ridiculous than the one he had at the 2002 World Cup, poor Ronnie now dominates the sports pages for the wrong reasons. He’s knacked his knee tendons and could be out for eight months. Given his recent eating habits, if he does make a return he’ll not look out of place at the Premier League Darts.

Posted by: Lex

This week's heroes and losers according to, well, us...

Top Cats…

Fabio Capello
Hardly the most convincing of wins, but what impressed us here was his single-mindedness and refusal to bow to the pressure of selecting England’s big players, or playing the way the fans want. And calling all the players by their surnames. Makes a nice change from Steve ‘Becks, Stevie G and JT’ McClaren.

Joe Cole
Could be the man to really benefit from Capello’s reign. Always at his best when given a free role just off the striker, it was probably always going to take a foreign manager to allow him to do this. Looked sharp and lively against the Swiss. Though he’s probably had to endure stick all week for being the teacher’s pet.

Egypt
While the BBC’s B team covering the African Nations were cooing over an Ivory Coast side brimming with Premier League players, Egypt demonstrated that brute force and power isn’t always the answer at the tournament in Ghana. To the evident disappointment of all at the Beeb, the Ivory Coast were comprehensively beaten in the Semi Final, with their talismanic front man, one Mr. Drogba, spending most of his time on the deck.

Jimmy Bullard
The word refreshing tends to be overused when describing footballers who tend to break the mould slightly, but after Jimmy Bullard made no attempt to hide his glee after scoring the winning goal for Fulham last week, it’s hard not to use the word. Especially after he spent the week hugging people, "I was full of it, I wanted to cuddle everyone I could see!" Bless.

In a Flap…

Andre Bikey
Your team is 1-0 up with one minute to go, and a place in the African Nations Cup final up for grabs. One of your teammates is down injured, with the medics on the pitch about to place him on the stretcher. What do you do? If you’re Reading’s Andre Bikey, you push one of the medics over, earn yourself a red card, and miss the final. Absolutely crackers.

The Premier League
Well that’s it, it’s confirmed now. The game is officially now all about money, with the fans reduced to a second-thought. On a good day. Just how will moving ten Premier League games a season abroad not turn in to a complete shambles? What next, millionaires can rent teams to have a game in their back garden? Probably.

Terry Butcher
If you’re an England legend, famous for battling on in a blood-stained bandage while playing for the national side, it might just rankle with some people if you’re appointed as Scotland assistant manager. When we mean some people, we mean all of Scotland.

Michael Owen
Poor Mickey. It’s not gone so well for him as late has it? Sadly for him, England have appointed one of the few managers on the planet who cares little about his 40 goals in 88 international appearances. Instead, all Fabio sees are poor performances in a poor club side. Can anyone else see that summer transfer request a mile off?

Posted by: Lex