Q: In the line-up before the FA Cup Final you get to meet Her Majesty the Queen. As you shake hands, though, you inadvertently break wind. What should you do?

Jeff: "I would turn to one of my Assistant referees and give him a look to kill, then as the Queen passed by would say in Catherine Tate voice, “ You dirty, dirty bastard”. That is the trouble with assistants nowadays they can’t hold their wind and they don’t know the offside law. If I inadvertently had followed through though and therefore had to cover up the accident, I would fall over in the first minute in some mud... oh sh*t, it’s May there would be no mud. Houston we have a problem!"

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