Aston Villa's Hercules the Lion...

Well find us a Villa player who rhymes with wardrobe...

Well what a damn fine picture that is isn't it...

You just had to mention it didn't you? I spent ages searching for a decent picture and could only find this one. Naively I thought you wouldn't mention it...

Really? You honestly thought I wouldn't mention that the focus of this whole feature can barely be seen in the main picture?

No I suppose not. Can we just get on with it?

Yep. Name?

Hercules The Lion…

Another animal in a football kit? Original.

Tell me about it. Hardly the most inspiring thing to boost fan and team morale, is it? It could be worse though I guess. You know the old saying, “One lion is better than a ferret and an otter.”

Because I want this to finish today, I'm going to ignore that. What's it's characteristics then?

Er, friendly? Jovial? Upbeat? Anything that helps keep him in a job. Durable and robust, apparently.

Robust?

Yep. He's named after the Hercules Cycle and Motor Company, one of Aston’s most successful companies back in the day. The name Hercules was chosen for its associations with durability and robustness. The original company, which is now part of Raleigh, dissolved in December 2003… a month that saw Villa lose only one out of five Premiership fixtures, as well as a 2-1 win over Chelsea in the League Cup. Make of that what you will.

I'm struggling to make much of it to be honest. Since we can't see a bleeding thing in the pic, what does he look like?

I'm ignoring the subtle dig. He has a pretty impressive tail, a scarily spherical head, both of which may or may not possess magical powers. He's known to throw down the occasional disco move, and, unsurprisingly, has the meanest roar in the Premier League.

Course he has. Any claims to fame?

Erm...Hercules is the lovechild of Cowardly The Lion (of Wizard Of Oz fame) and Chimera (known to put herself about during the times of Ancient Greek Mythology)….

That's bollocks isn't it?

Yes.

Posted by: Lex