We're not just being lazy, honest...

Wondering why the blog/on this day/anything seems a bit out of date? Well, we're not just taking a month-long sabbatical, as much as we've definately earned one. Nope, it's because we've got a shiny new website, over at www.catflapfootball.com where you can find all the good stuff you came to know and love from this site, with some brilliant new stuff as well, including Wag of the Day, competitions, the best football videos and the greatest football galleries. Not forgetting the latest issue of our weekly magazine.

Oh, and all the crap stuff we did is also still there.

So come over and have a butchers, www.catflapfootball.com

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

The best FA Cup in years...

Barnsley v Cardiff City

West Brom v Portsmouth

The semi-finals will take place at the new Wembley on 5th and 6th of April.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Getting drunk with Jeff Stelling = Football Heaven...

The Rules

- Everytime a goal is scored:- 1 shot of beer

- Every sending off:- 1 shot of Jager (or substitute)

- Half time:- Absolutley no alcoholic beverages may be
imbibed during this period.

- Whenever Chris Kamara is talking:- You must be drinking

- Whenever Merson uses stupid rhyming slang (i.e."he's hit the beans
on toast"!):- 1 shot of Jager

- In the second half, all teams can only be referred to by their
nicknames:- Failure to do so results in a 3 beer shot penalty.

- Whenever Swindon Town appear on the vidiprinter: - Last person to
shout out 'Mackerel' takes shot of Jager.

- Whenever Dundee appear on the vidiprinter:- Last person to shout out
'Football' takes shot of Jager.

- Everytime Phil Thompson says 'Stevie Gerrard':- 3 shots of beer.

- Everytime Jeff makes an 'A Trialist' joke:- 3 shots of beer.

- Everytime your team score:- 2 extra shots of beer

- Everytime Matty Taylor and 'Goal of the Season' are mentioned in the
same sentence:- 1 shot of Jager

- Everytime Jeff calls Kenny Deucher 'The Good Doctor':- 1 shot of
Whisky

- Any hint of racism (social or otherwise) from any of the pundits:-
Quad bombs (4 jager+redbull) all round

- Everytime Hartlepool score a goal:- 3 shots of beer

- Everytime a pundit shouts off camera:- 2 shots of beer

- Everytime LeTiss is mentioned in connection with a takeaway: - 1
shot of Jager

- Whenever Chris Kamara says "its unbelievable Jeff", all drinks must
be downed

- Everytime Jeff mentions "dancing in the streets of TNS: - 1 shot of
jager

- Everytime Jeff says "its Doom and Gloom at..." - 1 shot of jager

- Everytime the team 'Keith' is referred to as just being one guy :- 1
shot of jager

- Everytime Brighton & Hove, or Daggers & Redbridge are jokingly
referred to as two different teams playing the same oppo :- 1 shot of
jager

- Everytime when Arbroath striker Kevin Webster scores and Stelling
says "ohh, Sally will be pleased" :- 1 shot of Jager.

- Everytime anything bad happens to Craig Bellemy (injury, og, booked,
arrested for assault etc.) :- 2 celebratory shots of the spirit of
choice.

- Whenever Northampton Town appear on the vidiprinter, last person to
shout out 'Cobblers' :- shot of Jager

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

We've got no idea why Vieri is a miserable sod either...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

And it's quite literally Totti for Italy...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a ruddy good striker who can do flips and everything...

His name is Kenwyne Jones, and in Sunderland they believe that he can actually walk on the River Wear. And when 40,000 fans pack the Stadium of Light tonight for the proverbial six-pointer against Birmingham, they'll be expecting more miracles from the £6m man. For it is a game so important that Rupert Murdoch personally ordered his underlings at Sky to screen the game so that he could watch it from his office in Australia. True story.

And I reckon the big man will deliver with a back flip, triple pike and full tuck. Oh, and with a goal. Paddy Power have odds of 9-5 for him to score at any time during the game, and 28-1 for him to score first and Sunderland to win 2-1. Get on! As they say in, er, England.

Make the bet here, or ignore everything i've just said and back Ginger Warrior Paul McShane to score an own goal at 40-1...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Retro Keegan, FA Cup non-classics and getting Randy. The five matches to watch out for this weekend…

Arsenal v Newcastle
Where. Emirates Stadium, 15.00
What you hope to see. Keegan to bring back the memory of the Ginola/Ferdinand/Albert good times as Newcastle come from 4-0 down to win 7-5, with Geordies in raptures.
What you’re likely to get. Keegan to recreate the ‘slumped over the advertising boards’ pose ala Anfield 1996 as Arsenal take out their Carling Cup hangover out on the hapless Toon Army, with Geordies in tears.
Watch out for. Adebayor and Bendtner turning into the next ‘Blair and Brown’ as they line-up in attack together despite getting on as well as Paul McCartney and Heather Mills.
Fact! More than 2.5 goals have been scored in 63% of Newcastle’s away matches. We reckon if anyone could score half a goal, it would be Newcastle.

Liverpool v Havant and Waterlooville
Where. Anfield, 15.00
What you hope to see. Let’s not beat about the bush, even Havant sneaking a draw would be the funniest thing to happen in football since Kevin Keegan returned to Newcastle. Remember that? That was hilarious…
What you’re likely to get. Liverpool 3-0 up after 20 minutes, Motson and Lawrenson blathering on about nothing and the rest of the match petering out in a perfect example of why no one cares about the FA Cup anymore…
Watch out for. Dedicated non-league folk complaining that the game has not been televised, thus robbing the ‘plucky non-leaguers’ a big pay day. See above for reason why...
Fact! One of Havant’s directors is called Leroy Whale.

Wigan v Chelsea
Where. The JJB Stadium, 17.45
What you hope to see. A game that proves that the guys at the BBC do know what they’re doing when they come to choose the live games.
What you’re likely to get. A dreary Chelsea win that’s wrapped up in the first half that proves that the BBC schedulers really don’t have their fingers on the pulse anymore.
Watch out for. Alan Hansen dissecting Titus Bramble’s performance at half time. The Beeb probably have a whole floor in their archives building devoted to the man.
Fact! Wigan chairman Dave Whelan broke his leg in the 1960 FA Cup Final playing for Blackburn Rovers.

Aston Villa v Blackburn
Where. Villa Park, 15.00
What you hope to see. Ashley Young playing like Lionel Messi, feeding an Henry-esque Gabriel Agbonlahor, with a dynamic full-back performance from Stephen Warnock forcing Capello to jump-start England’s new era with some young blood.
What you’re likely to get. Long ball to Carew. Won in the air by Samba. Long ball to Santa Cruz. Headed clear by Laursen. A tepid atmosphere from a crowd that struggles to reach 30k. A perfect advert for the solitary Premier League encounter this weekend.
Watch out for. Martin O’Neill bouncing around like an extra in One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and the commentator making a lazy comparison between ‘good Yank’ Randy Lerner and ‘bad Yanks’ Tom Hicks and George Gillett.
Fact! What is Randy short for? Randolph.

Luton v Leeds
Where. Kenilworth Road, 15.00
What you hope to see. Luton to sneak their first win since Nick Owen took over, showing Ken Bates that nice guys can succeed in life.
What you’re likely to get. Leeds to get back on track by drubbing the remaining reserve and youth players who have not yet managed to escape Kenilworth Road.
Watch out for. Dennis Wise looking puzzled and telling Dave Bassett that he actually found Gus Poyet easier to understand.
Fact! New Luton chairman Nick Owen was once refused entry into the lounge bar named after him because it was too full. Ken Bates would have forced his way in. Nice guys never win.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Proof, if anyone needed any, that footballers have way too much time on their hands.

And bad taste in music...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

A close 'friend' of Alex McLeish this evening told CATFLAP, well he actually told a 'friend' of CATFLAPs... "Alex is looking to sign Dave Kitson from Reading to join Benjani up front".

There's only one Dave Kitson apparently.

Read our FREE Football Magazine http://ezine.catflapmag.com
(or don't, either way)

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

All in the same room? Lathering each other up?

Well, not exactly...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

King Kev's words of wisdom over the years...

"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different"

"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game"

"England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second to none"

"I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona"

"The tide is very much in our court now"

"You can play with a one armed goalkeeper...not at this level"

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Curly Kev is back!

He's not the messiah, he's just a very emotional boy...

 

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Juliano Belletti. This man knows how to hit a ball...

Just a shame he can't defend...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Get on now for the best prices!

Chelsea @ 6/5 with Coral.
Tottenham @ 11/4 with Stan James.
Arsenal @ 7/2 with Ladbrokes.
Everton @ 7/1 Betfred.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

He's tried the cheeky lob....

Goals like this happen once every 25 years in England. In Argentina they seem to happen every week..

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

My, don't they start young these days...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Everton look value to get a draw at Stamford Bridge!

Everton visit Chelsea tonight for the Carling Cup semi-final first leg and they have a great chance of getting a result. Chelsea’s squad is severely depleted with the likes of Terry, Lampard, Cech, Essien and Drogba, amongst others, all missing. Everton’s 1-0 F.A. Cup defeat to League 1 Oldham has put extra pressure on them to come through this encounter and the Toffeemen secured two 1-1 draws in two visits to Stamford Bridge in 2007. They are best priced @ 5/2 with Ladbrokes to get a draw tonight and I think that’s the best value bet.

BET OF THE WEEK: Five of the last six Carling Cup semi-final first legs have produced two goals or fewer and I expect that trend to continue tonight. Eight of the last 11 meetings between the sides has also featured two goals or less. Under 2.5 goals are available at most bookmakers @ 8/11 and that looks a cracking bet, get on it!

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Win £5,000! And limited edition Nike trainers!

That's right those happenin' folk at Foot Locker have got in touch with Catflap to give you the chance to win a whopping £5,000 plus three limited edition Nike Tuned 1 trainers. Ten second prize winners will also get a pair of exclusive TN1 trainers.

The TN1 is the ultimate 'sneaker of the street' and to celebrate it hitting Foot Locker on the 10th December they are asking people to submit a video about their street or city, whether it's a park, community centre or shopping centre. All videos submitted to the website: www.representthestreet.com will be displayed for all Tuned fans to rate.  

Check out www.representthestreet.com and upload a 5 min video about your street or city or neighbourhood today. You could be in with a chance to win £5,000 to invest back into your local community.

The Nike TN1 is available exclusively at Foot Locker and costs £109.99

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

BET OF THE WEEK! This is more of an investment opportunity than a gamble.

Paddy Power are offering 1/2 that one of the big four (Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal or Chelsea) will win the F.A. Cup. In the last sixteen years the monopoly has been broken just once, by Everton in 1995, and as each year passes it becomes less and less likely that their stranglehold will be loosened. If you have a spare few quid that you are looking to invest then get on this, it’s blatantly going to happen!

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

The best and worst January signings since the Premier League had double glazing installed...

Since it was introduced a few years ago, the January transfer window has resulted in several brilliant pieces of business for some managers. Christophe Dugarry kept Steve Bruce's Birmingham in the Premier League in 2003, while David Unsworth did the same for Wigan last season at the expense of the side he left on a free. At the same time, it's also provided some of the most shocking transfer decisions ever made by top flight bosses. Have a gander.

The Good

Christophe Dugarry, Bordeaux to Birmingham 2003, Loan
Mikel Arteta, Real Sociedad to Everton 2005, £2m
Nemanja Vidic, Spartak Moscow to Man Utd 2006, £7m
David Unsworth, Sheffield United to Wigan 2007, Free

The Bad

Georgios Samaras, Heerenveen to Manchester City 2006, £6m
Michael Ricketts, Bolton to Middlesbrough 2003, £3.5m
James Beattie, Southampton to Everton 2005, £6m
Fernando Morientes, Real Madrid to Liverpool 2005, £6m

And the hideously ugly

Jean-Alain Boumsong, Rangers to Newcastle 2005, £8m

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

The Frenchman with a sledgehammer left foot could soon be gracing the Premier League again...

Remember Laurent Robert? Signed by then-Newcastle manager Bobby Robson from PSG for £9.5m in 2001, the Frenchman was hailed as the next Ginola on Tyneside. He didn't disappoint, when it came to his array of thunderbolt goals anyway, though his complete reluctance to defend often frustrated his manager, his team mates and thousands of screaming, fat Geordies. A talented player undoubtedly, but not one you'd be clambering for if you really need to knuckle down for a dogfight.

So who's he just joined on trial? That's right, Derby County.

Still, they need all the help they can get. And if he can do this to the likes of Darren Moore and Andy Griffin, he might knock some sense into them...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

How does he explain this one to his team mates?

"Er, sorry chaps..."

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Once, twice, three times a spot kick...

Given Spurs' recent luck with penalties, it won't surprise us if one of their January signings includes Argentinian striker Martin Palermo...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

David Beckham teaches Snoop Dogg's Kids 'Big Mike', 'Lil Snoop' and his Daughter 'Chocolate' how to play Football...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Featuring Anna Fowler, Fabio Capello as Jesus and the inaugural Flaps awards. Read it here, and find out who won the Jimmy Choo Wag of the Year award. Though there is a big clue in the picture...

Read the Latest Issue of Catflap Mag for Free Here!!!

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Chelsea v Liverpool: The draw looks value.

The semifinal line-up for the Carling Cup will be completed tonight when Chelsea renew their cup rivalry with Liverpool and I think it wiil be a draw after 90 minutes. Liverpool have had the better of Chelsea in cup competitions recently with three big semifinal wins in the last three years, but all of the encounters have been tight and this one's unlikely to be any different. Both teams suffered blows to their Premier League title aspirations on Sunday so more emphasis will be placed on the Carling Cup as a route to domestic glory. I can see this going into extra time and maybe even to penalties so the draw after 90 minutes looks good value at 23/10 with Totesport.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Arsenal certainly aren't...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

The phrases he'll have to know by heart as England boss...

He says he's wanting to learn the lingo in a month, but all he really needs to know are these phrases he'll no doubt be unleashing on to the media before and after the World Cup in 2010*

"Con uno squad di questa qualità certamente osserveremo per vincere la tazza del mondo..." / "With a squad of this quality we will certainly be looking to win the World Cup…"

"Wayne è un giocatore grande ma deve imparare calmarsi giù durante i fiammiferi, lui sarà una perdita grande nei due giochi seguenti..." / "Wayne is a great player but he needs to learn to calm down during the matches, he will be a big loss in the next two games…"

"Non abbiamo ritenuto la necessità di esercitarsi in anticipo nelle pene, ma la volta che prossima facessimo..." / "We didn’t feel the need to practice penalties beforehand, but next time we will do…"

"È deludente uscire nei quarter-finals, ma il Portogallo è un buon lato..." / "It’s disappointing to go out in the quarter-finals, but Portugal are a good side…"

*Unless we don't qualify, in which case it'll be this one...

"Non desideriamo fare le giustificazioni ma quel passo di plastica non è adatto a gioco del calcio internazionale..." / "We don’t want to make excuses but that plastic pitch is not suitable for international football…"

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Who says Italians are melodramatic?

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Say hello to the new man in charge...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Juninho Pernambucano is his name. Lyon is his club. And a well struck free kick is his game...

BOSH!

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Rangers were NEVER going to qualify.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

More essential tips from the Italian hotshot..

#2 - The Loiter

Pippo Says: "The goalkeeper may have the ball safely in his hands, but you never know with those idiots. So loiter around and wait for them to make a mistake. Like this..."

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Today Chris Moyles, tomorrow Chris Akabusi... 

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Rangers can make it a full house of British Champions League participants.

I hope that you took yesterday’s advice and backed Liverpool to complete another great European comeback by beating Lyon @ 5/6. Tonight I think Rangers can get the point they need against Lyon and make it six British teams out of six in the knockout stages of the Champions League. In October a 3-0 win over tonight’s opponents made qualification a distinct possibility, and they are now best priced @ 8/13 with William Hill to do just that. The tidal wave of emotion that’s guaranteed at Ibrox tonight can inspire Walter Smith’s men to a draw, or maybe even victory.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

* apologies for the search engine friendly headline but what we really wanted to show you was this screamer from the one, the only Johnny Metgod (pronounced Met-Hod, if you didn't know...). Only one word for this goal: MAGIC FOOTBALL!

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Chelsea manager Avram Grant lives in a cave outside Guildford...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Become part of the Catflap Army! 

No, not an army as in going overseas and killing people, but as in a band of brothers, kindred spirits if you will…

Catflap is looking to assemble a platoon of CATFLAP CLUB EDITORS to write and edit its Premier League blogs. Interested? Read on…

WHAT YOU HAVE TO BE?

•    A talented writer
•    Opinionated and funny
•    Passionate about your club

WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO?

•    Edit and maintain your site
•    Research pictures and video clips
•    Exchange links with like-minded sites and blogs
•    Make people laugh

WHAT YOU GET

•    £250 – to each month’s top blogger
•    £1,000 -  to the editor who posts the most entries that year
•    £1,000 – to the editor who we feel has made a contribuition over and above the call of duty.

You’ll also become a fully-fledged member of the Catflap team, with your own email address and business cards too. Think of it like some important ambassadorial role, only without the need to hand out Ferrero Rocher at lavish functions.

Want to enlist? Get in touch here editorial@madeupmedia.net not forgetting to tell us the name of the team you support and we’ll be in touch…

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

The pressure is on and Rafa mustn’t tinker.

It’s do-or-die time for Liverpool tonight in the Champions League as they travel to Marseille needing a win to be certain of going through to the knockout stages. This is the third must win match in a row for the Reds following good wins over Besiktas (8-0) and Porto (4-1) and I think they will get it, but only if Benitez’s plays his best side. Following Saturday’s poor performance at Reading Benitez cannot afford another failure tonight, but a win take the pressure off of him personally and set Liverpool up perfectly for Saturday’s big clash with Man Utd. You can back them at 5/6 to win in France tonight and complete another great European comeback.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

What a naughty little ball boy!

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Why Lippi is the man to take England forward...

Jose's rejected the job apparently, making Marcello Lippi and Fabio Capello the new favorites. Without a doubt, we should plump for Lippi. Is it because he's already a World Cup winning manager? Or is it his vast international experience? Or even his ability to craft a side that is defensively solid but dangerous and effective on the break? Well, no.

It's because he looks cool.

Just look at the man, with his cigar and 80's-style specs that look like he's raided Jimmy Saville's dressing room. Class act.

There's no question he would be an improvement on this fashion calamity anyway. Umbrellas + Latte = not cool.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

and they say the English are bad...

His dad must be proud...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

It's old versus new...

Ronaldo Mark One Ronaldo Mark Two

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Oh yes, it's Lex's Limericks again!

There was a young man called John Terry
Whose eyes were bigger than his belly
When out on the town
He threw the beer down
But not as much as Lee Cattermole

(That's not quite working, is it? - Ed)

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Thaksin Shinawatra speaks...

We've not heard much from Thaksin Shinawatra since he took over at City, but after his recent comments in the press we definitely fancy hearing a bit more. The 23rd Prime Minister of Thailand has been speaking candidly about transfer targets in January, including Brazilian Adriano.

"We're looking to see whether we'll do a swap deal or not. Adriano was a top player, but he lost form when his father died, and he put on weight. Now he's returning to form.

"Dietmar Hamman is getting old. We're looking at a new midfielder who we think will play very well with Elano. We're going to play in a classic style."

Don't mince your words Thaksin. We're sure Dietmar Hamman was delighted to read the comments while waiting for his pension outside the Post Office...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Essential tips from Europe's record breaking goal machine...

In the first of a new series, serial flukey goalscorer and new European record holder Filippo Inzaghi tells us just how to do it the Pippo way...

#1 - The Charge.

Pippo Says: "Always run at the defender as he is about to clear, you never know where a ricochet may end up. Check out this perfect example..."

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Betting genius gets it wrong. And goes into hiding...

Betting editor Dan Clarke yesterday advised everyone to back Red Star Belgrade in their UEFA Cup tie against Bolton (below). And after his well informed shout to back AC Milan against Celtic the other night, he was looking to make it two in two days.

But alas, Gavin McCann's winner for Bolton meant that Clarkey's tip would not be earning anyone any money.

And sure enough, he's got the day off, too ashamed to come in no doubt. So apologies on behalf of the tarnished tipster.

Clarkey, if you're reading, you better make up for it with this weekend's accumulator...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Now this is what you call a professional foul...

The score is 1-1. It's the last minute and you've thrown eveything forward. But the ball falls loose and suddenly the opposition break. What would you do?

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, striker-extraordinaire, gives a textbook answer.



So yes, technically it's cheating. But he saved his side a valuable point, got a standing ovation, and a ruffle of the hair from David Beckham.

Totally worth it.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Just to make you aware of another blatantly good betting opportunity!

With Sunday crunch relegation batlle in mind, Bolton manager has left six key players at home for tonight's UEFA Cup match with Red Star Belgrade. Nicolas Anelka, Kevin Davies, Kevin Nolan, Andy O'Brien, Ricardo Gardner and Jussi Jaaskelainen have not travelled with the squad. Red Star must be value @ 6/5 with Coral.co.uk. SO GET ON THEM!

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

If you think Ronaldo is a cocky little so-and-so, check this bad boy out...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

These Frenchies just can't help having their two-penneth about the English...

First we had Manu Petit questioning John Terry and Ashley Cole's England injuries, then there was Florent Malouda harping on about English diets and training methods. Now Monsieur Wenger has had a pop at the fans who are crying out for Jose Mourinho for the England job following Super Steve's sacking.

"What makes me sad is that I am more nationalistic than you are. You want to give it to Mourinho or Capello, and I am the only one who goes for an Englishman."

Mind he has got a point. Remember all those fans so against a foreign boss before and after Sven's reign? They're very quiet these days.

Well maybe not, they're probably the ones shouting loudest in favour of Mourinho. It's a fickle old game...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

A loss at home to Arsenal tonight and Big Sam could be the newest managerial casualty...

It's all gone a bit Pete Tong for Sam Allardyce since he joined the Magpies. After several successful seasons at unfashionable Bolton and narrowly missing out on the England job, the previously bubbly and media friendly manager has turned into a bit of a touchy, bitter and cynical one. He once claimed that he would be more respected in the football world if he was called Sam Allardiché. Instead he was affectionately known as Big Sam. Not anymore. All he gets these days is Fat Sam.

So if you do get the boot tonight Sam, here's a pic to remind you of the good times. Doesn't he look so happy...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Somehow, the extraordinarily spawny and not at all good Milan striker Fillipo Inzaghi became the all-time top scorer in European play, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY HE WON US A BET!

Inzaghi scored in the 70th minute at the San Siro for his 63rd goal in Europe to overtake legendary Bayern Munich forward Gerd Muller. As usual he missed an absolute sitter before converting an open goal to send AC Milan through as group leaders. Yesterday we advised you to back a Milan win at a massive 13/8 and clean up. We did and the Catflap office made a combined profit of £350.00, GET IN.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Number One in a series of how ever many I can be bothered to do...

There once was a man named Jeff Stelling,
Great goals and results were his telling,
But if ‘Pool went one down,
He’d be certain to frown,
Especially if they were playing at Welling...

ithangyou...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Dear Catflap Army, I saw this today on the BBC and thought I'd share it with you, enjoy!

The match
The highest match in the world gets under way

Two of the players who were to take part in the highest football match in the world did not even make it to the pitch - struck down by altitude sickness as they climbed their way to the 6542m (21,424 ft) summit.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

STOP PRESS... This morning, Colin from Tunbridge Wells spotted Ray Wilkins in Lehman Brothers' London office. In his words "Ray Wilkins just walked past my desk"

Anelka in Asda, Rooney in Margate. Have you seen any footballers recently? Let us know

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Ripe language, fun, whatever next... Eating lunch before swimming?

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Milan host Celtic in the Champions League tonight with both sides knowing that a draw will take them through to the knockout stages. Scared of a stalemate the bookies have made the draw odds-on across the board and that opens up a betting opportunity that’s blatant value. You can back Milan at 13/8 with Hills, Bet 365 and Blue Square, the chance to get on the European Champions at such a big price is rare and we advise you to take those odds and make some moolah.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

We really are so humorous...

Hot links
This week's best clicks

FOOTBALL FOCUS 
“It’s not about cats, it’s about football,” is the bizarre tagline for a new weekly web magazine called Catflap devoted to the beautiful game. Delivered to subscribers’ inboxes free of charge each Friday, the humorous content inside is just the tonic for England fans still despairing over last week’s defeat by Croatia.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Just ask Leeds coward Billy Bremner.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Ruud van Nistelrooy gets his own back on all those who have ever mocked him for missing a penalty. Classic celebration...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Disgraced former manager and pundit ‘Big’ Ron Atkinson has been out of the mainstream media since his racist outburst concerning Marcel Desailly, and we have denied the wisdom of one of the knowledgeable and inspirational personalities in world football.

In no particular order, here are a few of his pearls…

‘I would not say that he (David Ginola) is one of the best left wingers in the Premiership, but there are none better.’

‘I’ve had this sneaking feeling throughout the game that it’s there to be won…’

‘If Glenn Hoddle say one word to his team at half time, it was concentration and focus.’

‘They’ve done the old fashion things well, they’ve kicked the ball, they’ve headed it…’

‘Well either side could win it, or it could be a draw.’  

‘Well Clive, it’s about the two M’s, movement and positioning.”

‘For me their biggest threat is when they get into the attacking part of the field.’

‘If you score against the Italians you deserve a goal.’

‘He’ll take some pleasure from that Brian Carey. He and Steve Bull have been having it off all afternoon.’

‘Liverpool will think they could have won this 2-2.’

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Adam & Joe Football Anthem

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Quel surprise the yanks have beaten us to it again!

 

This simple do-it-yourself kit includes everything you need to decorate a regulation (size 5) soccer ball (football!). Try your team colors or patriotic red-white-and-blue, and add your own or teammates - names. With special all-weather paint (6 colors), brushes, pump, needle and detailed instructions.

 

If you're completely mental and would actually like to buy one of these pieces of old crap then click here.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

This has been discussed in many a pub, in many a workplace and on many a message board and here we want to end the argument for once and for all.

Helen Chamberlain
Alex Hammond
Kirsty Gallacher
Clare Tomlinson
Gabby Logan / Yorath
Georgie Thompson
Kelly Dalglish
Anna Fowler
Di Stewart

or...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

It's better than Clogger. Well it shares the same sense of irreverent humor at least. (Damm widows)

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

PAOK is the historical continuation of the Hermes  Sports Club, which was formed in 1875 by the Greek community of Pera, a district of Constantinople.

It was the need of Constantinople’s Greek residents to express and support their Greek spirit within Turkey that led to the creation of this club. The club won cup after cup proving that although the Greeks were a minority they continued to have a strong presence in the sporting sector.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Editor Gavin Newsham has invited me to do a one off 'post'.

Well here it is... It's not that I love him, nor nothing, but he is rather good. Gord bless Aaron Lennon. Crouchy

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Nicolas Anelka is one of the deadliest strikers in Europe, and as usual he's pining for a big money move elsewhere...

So who wants to buy this?

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

It's that time of year again: decorations in the street, carols playing in shops and footballers with presents...

Can anyone beat this one of Kenwyne Jones as a very convincing Santa?

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Terry and Cole unfit for England but fit for Chelsea? It takes a Frenchman to tell it how it is.

"It was very interesting last Saturday to see players like John Terry - who is the leader of Chelsea and England - wasn't part of the Wednesday game and he was playing on Saturday. It was very interesting to see also Ashley Cole playing against Derby and he wasn't featuring last Wednesday as well.They were not in the national team and they were playing for their clubs three days later.

"So before looking for excuses somewhere else, putting the trouble on foreign players or managers, people have to be honest. That's what fans want to hear from players: 'We failed and we are responsible for that.' We are not looking for excuses. I think people are thinking only of themselves, not for football and not for the fans."

Can anyone argue with World Cup winner Emmanuel Petit?

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Congratualtions to Brian Laws, manager of the month barely two months after everyone wanted rid...

With the managerial merry-go-round at an all time high, with managers swapping clubs like kids with Panini stickers, it was nice to see Sheffield Wednesday manager Brian Laws awarded Championship manager of the month for November.

After losing their first six games of the season, Wednesday were rock bottom of the league and many were calling for Laws’ unfeasibly large head. But the Owls’ board stuck with him and now they’ve climbed to 14th following a six match unbeaten run that included a 5-0 thrashing of Southampton. So to all those clubs sacking their managers left right and centre, the message is, loyalty pays.*

*Steve McClaren and the FA excluded. Of course.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Jose for England! Why? Because we're sick of the ugliest men in football managing the national side...

So Harry is unlikely to be the new England boss. Which, if nothing else, will stop the recent trend of having desperately ugly England managers. We had Sven, who looked like a cross between one of the aliens out of Mars Attacks and a Walnut Whip, followed by the aesthetically-challenged Steve McClaren, whose smile could quite easily take the honours at any Texan gurning championship.

So at least by not appointing Redknapp, who resembles the insides of a gutted fish, it will stop the rot. The campaign starts here: Barwick, we want a national manager who doesn’t make us wince during an interview. Then again what would he know, with that Ron Jeremy tache and all…

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

There have been many goals worthy of 'Right in the Catflap' status. Gazzas against Arsenal in 91' was a bit of a corker wasn't it?

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

#1 – One of those constantly arsey tannoy operators at London Tube stations. "Step away from the oncoming train…mind the closing doors… please mind the closing doors….DID YEE NO HEAR ME LADDY?! I SAID MIND THE @~#$%*< DOORS!"
 
#2 – Chef. Ramsay would cower like a mouse in comparison…
 
#3 – New judge on X Factor. Because we wouldn't have to endure a whole series of the thing. Billy would have told them all where to go in episode one.
 
#4 – Model for moisturising wrinkle cream. Those baggy eyes won't solve themselves. He might as well join forces with Alan Curbishley too.
 
#5 – Shove him in the Australian Outback to fend for himself. No, not on set with the celebs, just as far into the jungle as possible.
 
#6 – BBC interviewer. So that they can replace one gibbering dwarf with another when Garth Crooks fancies a night off.
 
#7 – Begbie's older, meaner brother in a Trainspotting sequel.

#8 - New Scotland manager. Yawn.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Why haven't they changed the name of Bombay Mix to Mumbai mix?

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

What's the worst ad out there at the moment? a) The pikey Morrisons one with Lulu and Nick Hancock (Nick Hancock???) b) The Asda ones with any two bit old celeb who needs the cash, the latest being Julie Walters c) The Post Office one with Westlife buying broadband. The eejits. Tell us now. We need to know.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Ron Atkinson makes some terrible remarks about Marcel Desailly and rightly gets the sack by ITV. David 'Slow Car' Pleat, once cautioned for kerb-crawling, continues to get work. And he's not even that good. Tonight, he described Abel's corking strike for Sporting Lisbon against Man Utd as a "mishit".

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

(A. YES, IT IS.)

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

The British Media Research Bureau have carried out vital research on behalf of new channel Setanta Sports News (launching 29th November 2007), interviewing over 1,000 people between the ages of 16-64, they found out...

- 17% of men think about sport whilst having sex
- 1 in 5 blokes ditch dates in favour of sport
- 4% of men admit to missing the birth of their child to watch sport

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

'Appy 'Arry Redknapp is one of the favourites to become the next England manager, and many who've witnessed Pompey's recent resurgence will find it hard to argue that he's not the current best English option. And watching this clip, you can't help but feel that this attitude towards some of the England egos would certainly do the trick. Imagine him lambasting Frank Lampard or Steven Gerrard for doing this?

Then again, they would have missed him in the first place…

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Gordon Smart from The Sun has officially (sort of) lorded Anna Fowler as a better ambassador for Catflap than Robert Bradtke is for Croatia. Good on you Gordon.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Sort out the age old argument with a game of ruddy football

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

1. 'The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it.'

 

2. 'I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.'

 

3. They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different'

 

4. 'He can't speak Turkey, but you can tell he's delighted.'

 

5. 'I'm not disappointed - just disappointed.'

 

6. 'I'd love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time.'

 

7. 'He’s [Shaun Wright-Phillips] got a heart as big as his size, which isn’t big, but his heart’s bigger than that'

 

8. 'Goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late twenties or thirties.'

 

9. '...using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength.'

 

10. 'I'm not disappointed - just disappointed.'

 

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

We trawl the world-wide-interweb for hot girly players. First up, Arsenals number one, Emma Bryne.

Would?

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

 

White Hart Lane, of all places in 1945. Arsenal were playing Dynamo Moscow when a dense fog descended on the pitch.

 

The referee refused to abandon the match because the visiting team had come all the way from Moscow. The game swiftly reduced to farce! One Arsenal player was sent off for fighting, but sneaked back on again in the fog. The Russians substituted a player, but never sent their player off. There were strong suspicions, that throughout the game, the Russian side secretly increased from 11 players to 15! The problem was that no-one could actually see enough to count them.

 

The final confusion happened when the Arsenal goalie became disorientated in the fog, ran into the goal post and knocked himself out. He was replaced by a member of the crowd.

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

This has been viewed a whopping 2,976,155 times already. That's 6,599,248,020 people in the world left to see it...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

 

Hello, good evening and welcome to the Catflap blog

 

It's here where you'll find everything from the useful to the obscure, the interesting to the bizarre.

 

Chances are you'll also be subjected to some truly rotten puns and innumerable gags about the size of Steve Bruce's head. Enjoy...

 

www.catflapmag.com

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

Posted by: Catflap Magazine