Let's hope his English is better than his German should he ever blow his top infront of Irish jounalists...

Posted by: Lex

This is like, totally real...

Posted by: Lex

Top Cats…

FAI
They’ve been criticised for taking too long with the appointment, but anyone who hires Steve Staunton as national manager should definitely take a while to think about their next choice. Now with the experienced and knowledgeable Giovanni Trapattoni in charge, maybe Kevin ’86 caps’ Kilbane won’t get to a ludicrous ton.

Aberdeen
It’s easy to ridicule Scottish football. It’s a Mickey Mouse league. See we just did it there. But kudos to the Dons after a fantastic 2-2 draw with Bayern Munich in the UEFA Cup which brought back memories of their former European glories. Though Bayern also drew with Bolton earlier in the season, so they’re clearly dross.

Andy Cole
Slow, unfit and well past it was the verdict when Keano loaned him out to Burnley after only seven appearances on Wearside. After his first hattrick in seven years midweek though, he now has four goals in three games at Turf Moor. Nice one Andy, sorry Andrew.

El-Hadji Diouf
The former spitee is spat at. Earl Hickey would say it was Karma, but whatever it is the much-lambasted Diouf kept his cool against Atletico Madrid and even scored the winner. Fair play. We still don’t like him though.

In a Flap…

Richard Scudamore
The Sun are clearly chuffed to bits with their Scooby Doo mock-up of the Premier League Chief Executive, as they’ve had it in the paper nearly every day this week. But there’s no arguing with their sentiments after most of the football confederations around the world, and even Sepp Blatter, claimed the idea for ‘game 39’ would not be welcomed.

Bryan Robson
The saddest thing about Bryan Robson being sacked again is that we just know he’ll get another job somewhere else on big money, only to be sacked again. Do people never learn? Sheffield United appointed Kevin Blackwell in his place. So no then.
Steve McClaren
"My next job will be about the person employing me as much as anything - he has to have vision and be ambitious. It might be abroad, in the second division or in the Championship."
Babelfish translator: “Will anyone have me? Please…”

Ronaldo
Despite his vein attempts to get noticed again by sporting a haircut more ridiculous than the one he had at the 2002 World Cup, poor Ronnie now dominates the sports pages for the wrong reasons. He’s knacked his knee tendons and could be out for eight months. Given his recent eating habits, if he does make a return he’ll not look out of place at the Premier League Darts.

Posted by: Lex

More on field scraps at Old Trafford, an absent Al Bangura, Alan Pardew's height and Kevin Blackwell in a chopper...

Liverpool v Barnsley
Where Anfield, 15.00
What you hope to see A rollicking good cup tie, with 14th in the Championship Barnsley displaying the ‘spirit of Havant’ and pegging back the mighty Reds.
What you’re likely to get The dullest tie of the round, with a deflected Gerrard strike and an ugly Crouch header settling the game after 20 minutes.
Fact! Steven Gerrard is a freeman of the Borough of Knowsley.

Man Utd v Arsenal
Where Old Trafford, 17.15
What you hope to see Let’s not beat around the bush here, we’d all love to see another good scrap circa 2004. Only with Phillipe Senderos as Martin Keown and Ronaldo as Ruud van Nistelrooy.
What you’re likely to get Garth Crooks bamboozling Arsene Wenger with incomprehensible non-questions before and after the match. How is this man still in a job?
Fact! Pizza will not be served at the after-match buffet.

Charlton v Watford
Where The Valley, 15.00
What you hope to see John-Joe O’Toole to score on his return for Watford and then revealing that he was invented by Enid Blyton to be a character in the Famous Five.
What you’re likely to get Al Bangura not playing any part for Watford. Again.
Fact! Alan Pardew is 5ft 11in.

Sheff Utd v Middlesbrough
Where Bramall Lane, Sunday, 14.00
What you hope to see Kevin Blackwell to arrive at Bramall Lane in a helicopter.
What you’re likely to get A subdued Bramall Lane wondering how replacing one clueless dullard with another is ever going to work.
Fact! In the event of a bear attack, a recording of Bryan Robson’s voice will send it to sleep and render it harmless.

Posted by: Lex

We never thought we'd say this, but Lump On David Nugent!

He’s a bit of a miserable sod Harry Redknapp all considering. With his Pompey side riding high in the league, still in the cup and with a new £9m young and eager striker in his side, he should be smiling like Dwight Yorke at a beach party. And even if all that doesn’t cheer him up, the fact that he turned down the Newcastle job should have him laughing all the way to a UEFA Cup spot.

And with a not-so-tricky-looking tie at Deepdale all that stands in Pompey’s way of progressing in the Cup, a few quid on them @ 5/6 is definitely worth a pop, especially with their impressive away form.

With Jermain Defoe cup tied, the hapless David Nugent should get another chance upfront. And despite playing like a blindfolded Titus Bramble all season, Nugent is a cert to score against his former side where at times he looked like Pele. Lump On! Nugent to score first @ 11/2.

Posted by: Lex

Getting drunk with Jeff Stelling = Football Heaven...

The Rules

- Everytime a goal is scored:- 1 shot of beer

- Every sending off:- 1 shot of Jager (or substitute)

- Half time:- Absolutley no alcoholic beverages may be
imbibed during this period.

- Whenever Chris Kamara is talking:- You must be drinking

- Whenever Merson uses stupid rhyming slang (i.e."he's hit the beans
on toast"!):- 1 shot of Jager

- In the second half, all teams can only be referred to by their
nicknames:- Failure to do so results in a 3 beer shot penalty.

- Whenever Swindon Town appear on the vidiprinter: - Last person to
shout out 'Mackerel' takes shot of Jager.

- Whenever Dundee appear on the vidiprinter:- Last person to shout out
'Football' takes shot of Jager.

- Everytime Phil Thompson says 'Stevie Gerrard':- 3 shots of beer.

- Everytime Jeff makes an 'A Trialist' joke:- 3 shots of beer.

- Everytime your team score:- 2 extra shots of beer

- Everytime Matty Taylor and 'Goal of the Season' are mentioned in the
same sentence:- 1 shot of Jager

- Everytime Jeff calls Kenny Deucher 'The Good Doctor':- 1 shot of
Whisky

- Any hint of racism (social or otherwise) from any of the pundits:-
Quad bombs (4 jager+redbull) all round

- Everytime Hartlepool score a goal:- 3 shots of beer

- Everytime a pundit shouts off camera:- 2 shots of beer

- Everytime LeTiss is mentioned in connection with a takeaway: - 1
shot of Jager

- Whenever Chris Kamara says "its unbelievable Jeff", all drinks must
be downed

- Everytime Jeff mentions "dancing in the streets of TNS: - 1 shot of
jager

- Everytime Jeff says "its Doom and Gloom at..." - 1 shot of jager

- Everytime the team 'Keith' is referred to as just being one guy :- 1
shot of jager

- Everytime Brighton & Hove, or Daggers & Redbridge are jokingly
referred to as two different teams playing the same oppo :- 1 shot of
jager

- Everytime when Arbroath striker Kevin Webster scores and Stelling
says "ohh, Sally will be pleased" :- 1 shot of Jager.

- Everytime anything bad happens to Craig Bellemy (injury, og, booked,
arrested for assault etc.) :- 2 celebratory shots of the spirit of
choice.

- Whenever Northampton Town appear on the vidiprinter, last person to
shout out 'Cobblers' :- shot of Jager

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

We've got no idea why Vieri is a miserable sod either...

Posted by: Catflap Magazine

ONETrueSaxon 2008 Catalogue...

Our good friends at ONETrueSaxon have got in touch with us to tell us all about their brand spanking new catalogue. As well as including all the usual top clobber, their 255-page ‘International Essentials’ SS08 Catalogue doubles as a travel guide for the world’s most famous cities, including Madrid, Sydney, Moscow and New York. With tips on the best bars, restaurants, clubs, hotels and football teams, the guide also includes a suggested five-track soundtrack for each city. And a list of where to buy ONETrueSaxon gear in each given city of course.

To get your hands on a free copy order it from www.goodnorth.com or send an email with your name and postal address to orders@goodnorth.com with ‘Catflap' in the subject line.

Posted by: Lex

It's a howitzer!

Catflap of the week: Daryl Murphy, Sunderland.

Posted by: Lex