#3. Jeff finds Sir Alex's raffle ticket...

Q: At the PFA Player of the Year awards, you see Alex Ferguson drop his raffle ticket and then pick it up without telling him. Later that evening the ticket wins the top prize of an all expenses paid fortnight in Mustique. Do you own up or pack your suitcase?

Jeff: "I am sorry but I will not be around for the next two weeks to do this column. You are never going to believe it, I gatecrashed the PFA dinner this year and guess what, I only went and won the first of a fortnight's expenses-paid holiday in Mustique. I bumped into sir Alex whilst I was there, he called me a jammy bastard, or I think he said that, I couldn't really understand him. Anyway, b******s to him, I'm off to Mustique. Best thing is I didn't even buy the ticket!"

See You Are The Jeff every week in Catflap Magazine.

Posted by: Lex

It's like Richard Keys on Red Bull...

Posted by: Lex

Those Yanks do know how to keep the ball out of the net...

Posted by: Lex

This time it's Chelsea...

The new Chelsea home kit for 2008/09. Apparently its "Radical cuts and 3D designs follow the shape of your body to increase comfort and improve performance." Which is nice.

It goes on sale on the 8th May, priced at £45 adults, £35 kids (the one Shauny is modelling no doubt...)

Posted by: Lex

Some people have all the luck...

Posted by: Lex

adidas have sent us the first images of Liverpool's new home strip for next season.

Here's what they have to say about it,
 
"The new stylish kit is in classic Liverpool red.  An embroidered Liver Bird is positioned on the back of the shirt and the inner neck of the shirt has a red chequered area inspired by the flags of The Kop. The shirt also carries a “This is Anfield” inscription, inspired by the famous Anfield sign. The new shirt collar is ribbed with a v-neck which has always been well received on shirts from the past."  

The new kit goes on sale on May 22nd 2008. For more info www.adidas.com/liverpoolfc

Posted by: Lex

We know you've probably seen it countless times...

But it's always worth watching again...

Posted by: Lex

Remember this chap?

He's the fella who was one of the first through the Stamford Bridge door when the big Russian first came along. He scored a couple of goals, and then he was one of the first back out again after he was sacked for testing positive for cocaine.

It's Adrian Mutu, and these days he plays for Italian side Fiorentina, who happen to be playing Walter Smith's Glasgow Rangers tonight in the UEFA Cup semi-final. So good luck to the only British side left in the competition, but we fancy that man Mutu to get on the scoresheet first, with Rangers clawing one back to head to Florence with a 1-1 draw.

To make that very bet, click here...

Or to ignore our tips and read the secret diary of Adrian Mole instead click here

Posted by: Lex

Awaydays: Craven Cottage, Fulham

Because we feature Championship away trips too...

Getting there:
From the North: Take the A1/M1 to North Circular A406 follow signs for Harlesden A404, then take the A219 to Hammersmith. When on Broadway follow signs for Fulham, turn right after 1 mile into Harbord Street then left at the end for the ground. From the South/East: Take the South circular A205, follow signs for Putney Bridge A219, cross the bridge and follow signs for Hammersmith for half a mile. Take a left into Bishops Park Road, then right at the end. From the West: Take the M4 to the A4. After two miles branch left into Hammersmith Broadway, then follow signs for Fulham. Turn right after 1 mile into Harbord Street then left at the end for the ground. Or buy a Sat-Nav.

The nearest tube is Putney Bridge on the District Line. Being situated on the banks of the Thames, travelling to the Cottage by boat is an option. Away fans have been known to hire ‘booze cruises’ that pick fans up in Central London and ferry them down the river with a healthy supply of booze so that they are adequately merry by the time they arrive.

Around the ground:
Pub: The Crabtree on Rainville Road is about a ten-minute walk from the ground and is always very accommodating to away fans. The Zulu Bar on Fulham High Street is another good pub in close proximity that is always bustling with away fans on match days. If this is too busy, then there are several other pubs along the same street that are worth a visit.

Grub: There are plenty of fine eateries in the lovely upper class area of Putney. The use of the word grub is frowned upon there. Fulham High Street provides ample places to grab a quick bite as well as the usual mix of burger and hotdog vans and stalls in and around the ground.   

Inside the ground:
Fans/Atmosphere: Fulham fans are notoriously quiet. Having a somewhat bizarre neutral section doesn’t help. Away fans normally outsing the home fans, though you can’t blame them really as they haven’t had much to shout about this season.  

Bogs and Pies: Fulham offer the usual array of food and lukewarm beer to fans. Expect to pay around £3 a burger and £3.50 a beer. The phrase function over fashion comes to mind when thinking about the toilets.

Stewards/Police Friendliness: Fulham fans can be considered the least threatening in English football. Saying that there is normally a noticeable police presence at the ground just in case, (0.000001% chance of trouble) anything does happen.

Fact!
Woy Hodgson is the sole reason why there are still small doubts as to whether humans are descendents from monkeys

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Posted by: Lex