Beckham kickballs from the midway point as the shootstopper is stranded...

But that's nothing new for Dave is it...

Posted by: Lex

Man United's Fred the Red...

What in hell is that?
Not hell, Old Trafford, for the teams who come to play Manchester United here its hard to tell the difference though. And his name is Fred the Red by the way. 

Sorry to be rude...
You're not really are you?

No. So what is he?
He's a devil. And an excitable one at that.

Not exactly the scariest portrayal of Bealzebub is it?
Well scaring the kids is probably not on the highest list of priorities at Old Trafford.

So what does he do?
He does have a tendency to chase Sir Alex around the dugout every now and again.

More than most fourth officials have the bottle to do. Anything Else?
Not really, apart from the obvious. He is extremely red, but being the mascot of the mighty Reds, pride of the north west, nothing else would do.  

Right. Do the fans get on with the lad?
Anyone who jumps on Fergie goes down pretty well in Manchester.

Like drunk Scots at train stations?
No

Posted by: Lex

Two English sides in the final, anyone surprised it went to penalties...

Champions League Final, Luzhniki Stadium.

Chelsea 1
Lampard, 45mins

Man Utd 1              
Ronaldo, 26mins

Man Utd win 6-5 on penalties. The Jammy swines...

Posted by: Lex

Well, it was no first half...

Full Time, Luzhniki Stadium, Champions League Final. Extra Time to be played...

Chelsea 1
Lampard, 45mins

Man Utd 1              
Ronaldo, 26mins

Posted by: Lex

It's certainly not last year's FA Cup Final...

Half Time, Luzhniki Stadium, Champions League Final...

Chelsea 1
Lampard, 45mins

Man Utd 1              
Ronaldo, 26mins

Posted by: Lex

Makelele's hilarious challenge can't stop Moan King Cole...

Man United: Van der Sar, Brown, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Carrick, Hargreaves, Scholes, Ronaldo, Rooney, Tevez.
Subs: Kuszczak, Anderson, Giggs, Nani, O'Shea, Fletcher, Silvestre.

Chelsea: Cech, Essien, Terry, Carvalho, A Cole, Makelele, Ballack, Lampard, Malouda, J Cole, Drogba.
Subs: Cudicini, Shevchenko, Mikel, Kalou, Alex, Belletti, Anelka.

Posted by: Lex

Champions League Final special…

It seems that Paddy just loves trying to thrust money back in your wallet. He just never stops with his money-back specials. And it’s no different this week, as good old Mr. Power is offering to refund all losing Win-Draw-Win, Correct Score, 1st/last/anytime goalscorer and Half-time/Full-time market bets if Ronaldo scores in normal time. Which, let’s be frank for a second here, is barmy given Ronnie’s record this season. Paddy obviously doesn’t fancy raking in the millions tonight.

Either that, or he knows something we don’t about the greasy Portuguese with foot Tourettes.

With that in mind, we’re not going to plump for him to score, as it would be entirely pointless. Though it has just dawned on us that that may be the exactly what Paddy wants us to do…

Nonetheless we’ll let ourselves be swayed by the bloke who’s clearly an Irish version of the demon headmaster and Paul McKenna. Because we going for Man Utd to win in extra time @ 9/1, so ten of the Queen’s finest will bring back a cool ton. Added to that we’re having Carlos Tevez to score first @ 13/2. A fiver on that wins £37.50.

So that’s another £15 less off we’ll be tomorrow. If you also fancy lightening the weight of your wallet, then join us and Lump On! here…

Posted by: Lex

Well, the current one anyway...

Posted by: Lex

#4. Jeff and Lee go out for a meal...

Q: In the Upton Park bar after the game Lee Bowyer - who you sent off - approaches you and offers to buy you a candlelit dinner for two to make up for his misdemeanours. You accept and he's charming all evening, but in the taxi on the way home he invites you in for a coffee. What should you do?

Jeff: "Let's look at it another way. He says "What are you doing tonight?". Being alone in London I would be up for a night out and I am sure that it would be lively, so I would go along for the ride. I am sure that with his fame and my good looks and charm we would probably either pull and then take the lucky ladies back to his place or my hotel for some extra time or alternatively end up in a fight somewhere and have coffee at the local "nick" or Accident and Emergency..."

See You Are The Jeff every week in Catflap Magazine.

Posted by: Lex