Watch out Europe, Colin's on the scene...

Group A
Turkey

Odds to win: 50/1
Previous best: Quarter-final in 2000
Gaffer's pedigree: As well as competing with Kobi Kuhn for the best name in football, Fatih Terim is the most successful coach in Turkish football.
He might do alright: Villareal’s Nihat Kahveci has been banging them in most weeks in Spain, but given that he’s likely to get worse service than the tube on a bank holiday, he could be in for a frustrating tournament.
How did he get in? They call him Kazim-Kazim, we know him as Colin Kazim-Richards, the chap who looked out of place at Sheffield United is now a Turkish international playing for Fenerbahce. How does that work?
Stick your money on: Emre becoming a UN ambassador. Only joking.
Wag Watch: You'll be lucky, boss Fatih Terim keeps a close eye on his players and refuses to have WAGs anywhere near the team hotel.
If they were a celeb: Lawrence-Llewelyn Bowen. Unfashionable, lacking in creativity, and often annoying.
Obligatory translation feature: “Neler sen niyet etmek isviçre don't edyorlar Vermek” (“What do you mean the Swiss don’t do donner?”)
Prediction: Bottom of the group.

Posted by: Lex

Like their cheese, the Swiss defence is full of holes...

Group A
Switzerland

Odds to win: 22/1
Previous best: Round One in 2004
Gaffer's pedigree: Despite having a name that makes him sound like an 80’s rapper, Kobi Kuhn is being replaced by Ottmar Hitzfeld after the tournament.
He might do alright: Eren Derdiyok. He’s the youngster who scored on his senior debut in February. Though it was against England so it doesn’t really tell us much.
How did he get in? Johan Djourou is the rock at the heart of the Swiss defence. Fancy relying on an Arsenal reserve. Still, at least he has Philippe Senderos alongside him. Oh…
Stick your money on: Journalists and commentators making rubbish puns about cheese and/or mountains.
Wag Watch: Lazio winger Valon Behrami has done well for himself for nabbing model Elena Bonzanni.
If they were a celeb: Charlie Higson. Probably a really dull host.
Obligatory translation feature: “Ist es vorbei schon?“ (“Is it over yet?”)
Prediction: Third in the group.

Posted by: Lex

Even Prescott hits harder than that...

It's Big Phil and Mr. Feet himself, Ronaldo...

Group A
Portugal

Odds to win: 15/2
Previous best: Runners-up in 2004.
Gaffer's pedigree: There’s not much you don’t know about Phil Scolari, whether it be winning a World Cup, slagging off the English press or punching opposition players. What a guy.
He might do alright: Strong in the air, great with both feet and plays in the Premier League. But enough of Ricardo Carvalho, we’re keeping an eye on a chap named Ronaldo.
How did he get in? Helder Postiga. Yes Spurs fans, you read it right. This clown is still an international footballer.
Stick your money on: Juvenile chuckles nationwide when sub ‘keeper Quim is mentioned in commentary.
Wag Watch: Nereida Gallardo is Cristiano’s current flame, check her out here.
If they were a celeb: Will Smith as Fresh Prince. Because Big Phil’s in charge. Obviously.
Obligatory translation feature: “Pela última vez Sr. Fergusson, Eu faço não exigir um chaperone” (“For the last time Mr. Ferguson, I do not require a chaperone.”)
Prediction: Second in the group, but lose to Germany in the quarters.

Posted by: Lex

As if we weren't going to do a Euro 2008 preview...

Group A
Czech Republic

Odds to win: 18/1
Previous best: Winners in 1976 (As Czechoslovakia)
Gaffer's pedigree: Karel Bruckner seems to have been manager for decades, and looks like he has too, but this will be his last tournament.
He might do alright: As well as Bruckner, this could be big Jan Koller’s last hurrah, and he’ll be wanting to go out on a high before a certain move into WWE.
How did he get in? David Rozehnal. Clearly Czech scouts didn’t make it to St. James’ Park this season.
Stick your money on: Most of the squad keeping a low profile: five of them were caught with six prostitutes in the team hotel last year.
Wag Watch: Hedvika Koller. Big Jan’s Mrs is a former Playboy model. Which shouldn’t really surprise us.
If they were a celeb: Hugh Heffner. Aging, ugly and a bit pervy.
Obligatory translation feature: “Jak až k člen určitý červeň bujný oblast?” (“Which way to the red light district?”)
Prediction: Group winners, but out in the quarter-final to Croatia.

Posted by: Lex

Hands up who wants the Village People to reform?

What does Catflap's editor do on his holidays?

It seems Gavin enjoys fulfilling a life-long dream of driving a comedy winnebago around the country. And then sending camp photos of himself back to the office. Whatever floats your boat and all that...

An artist's impression of the GavMobile.
I'm not saying what the 'W' stands for, as I'd like to keep my job...

Posted by: Lex

We enter our own version to compete with Alba...

It's Catflap's Art Editor Mark Culmer. What beautiful eyes...

Posted by: Lex

Better than Andy Gray, yeah?

Posted by: Lex

Beckham kickballs from the midway point as the shootstopper is stranded...

But that's nothing new for Dave is it...

Posted by: Lex

Man United's Fred the Red...

What in hell is that?
Not hell, Old Trafford, for the teams who come to play Manchester United here its hard to tell the difference though. And his name is Fred the Red by the way. 

Sorry to be rude...
You're not really are you?

No. So what is he?
He's a devil. And an excitable one at that.

Not exactly the scariest portrayal of Bealzebub is it?
Well scaring the kids is probably not on the highest list of priorities at Old Trafford.

So what does he do?
He does have a tendency to chase Sir Alex around the dugout every now and again.

More than most fourth officials have the bottle to do. Anything Else?
Not really, apart from the obvious. He is extremely red, but being the mascot of the mighty Reds, pride of the north west, nothing else would do.  

Right. Do the fans get on with the lad?
Anyone who jumps on Fergie goes down pretty well in Manchester.

Like drunk Scots at train stations?
No

Posted by: Lex