Just when you thought football kits couldn't get worse...

Posted by: Lex

For when a rumour mill isn't enough

 

 

Roman Abramovich has emerged as a key figure in the transfer saga of Cristiano Ronaldo.

 

Real Madrid hope to complete the move by the middle of July for €80 million and then will immediately sell Robinho to Chelsea for a generous €50 million thus giving them a net outlay of just €30 million. That is right, Abramovich will make it possible for Real to sign Ronaldo for just £20 million, that is a steal.

 

The operation was agreed earlier this week in a meeting between the Real president Calderon and executives at Banco Santander. The reason Abramovich will assist the transfer is obvious as it will weaken a rival, Fergie will be furious.

Posted by: Rik

#5. Jeff deals with an on field fan...

Q: After scoring a last minute winner, the goalscrorer runs into the corner and pulls down his shorts, revealing "I Love Jeff Winter" y-fronts. He's already been booked. What action do you take?

Jeff: "My worst nightmare. Not sure if your eyesight was correct though, could it have been that the player had accidentally put on a pair of his sexy WAG's flimsies. They may well have had the said inscription on them. I think in these circumstances perhaps I should turn a blind eye as it would not be good if it came out that whilst the player was away for his team and country, I was busy "booking" his sweetheart.

See You Are The Jeff in Catflap Magazine.

Posted by: Lex

We drive to Euro 2008, and back...

So here’s the story: The other day the chaps at Fiat gave us a call, inviting us to take part in their Bravo Challenge. It would involve taking one of their new Fiat Bravo’s, driving it anywhere we want, and bringing it back within 48 hours. And they’d give us £250 to spend on what we liked too. Well, we’re not likely to turn a chance like that down are we? So we leave this Friday, with our return date penciled in for Sunday. And our planned destination? Basle, Switzerland, in time for the Euro 2008 quarter final on Saturday. We say planned, because who knows where we’ll end up. Though if Fiat are reading, you have nothing to worry about…

Posted by: Lex

The greasy one is clearly a reader...

That's right, only hours after we publish a "make your mind up" plea on this week's front cover, Cristiano Ronaldo has done exactly that. According to the Sun, Ronaldo admitted that he wanted to join Madrid, only hours after Portugal were dumped out of the Euros by Germany (cough, cough, our tip to win...).

Here's what the gurning winger said:

“In the next few days there could be news. The possibilities of me going to Madrid are great but it does not depend on me. I know there is a concrete offer on the table, now let's see if we can reach a deal in the next days. Everyone knows what I want. I have many desires and in the next days they will become clear.”



Catflap: "Make your bloody mind up."
Ronaldo: "OK."
Catflap: "Er, well, can you leave it a week so our cover isn't out of date..."
Ronaldo: "No."
Catflap: "Bugger."

Click here to read this week's mag...

Posted by: Lex

Feeling brave? Then go for our Euro Quarters tip...

If you're up for a risky but potentially lucrative flutter this weekend, then look no further than the European Championship Quarter Finals. After the business of Germany v Portugal tonight, there are three games crying out to have a couple of quid on them. There's Croatia v Turkey, Holland v Russia and the corker we're all waiting for, Spain v Italy. If you stick a tenner on all the favourites (Croatia: evens, Holland: 5/6 and Spain 6/4) you'll come out with £91.67.

However, and here's the good stuff, if you fancy a triple upset, and all second favourites to win (Turkey: 4/1, Russia: 4/1 and Italy: 11/5), all you have to do is stick one of the golden nuggets we call a quid on it and you'll come away with £80. Fancy it? Then Lump On! here

Just don't come complaining when the inevitable happens, and the Dutch and Croatia win but Italy knock out the Spanish...

Posted by: Lex

Rafael van der Vaart makes his mark from the bench...

He's let one go, and he's called van der Vaart.
< Insert obvious puerile joke here >

Posted by: Lex

They don't hit 'em like this anymore...

Because it's not allowed...

Posted by: Lex

It's the big one: Hull v Fulham...

Premier League first day fixtures - Saturday, 16 August
Arsenal v West Brom
Aston Villa v Man City
Bolton v Stoke
Chelsea v Portsmouth
Everton v Blackburn
Hull v Fulham
Man Utd v Newcastle
Middlesbrough v Tottenham
Sunderland v Liverpool
West Ham v Wigan

Posted by: Lex